Letting Go…

There is a beautiful song by Nitin Sawney which kind of sums up how I’m feeling today…

Ok, ok, I know I said I’d post once a week but I’m still on holiday right now so it’s allowed!

One of the first ever posts I left on here, about a year ago, was about coping with traumatic life events, and when I talked about about my experience of doing this, I put a little message in brackets which said (more on this later)- well, this is the later, which I didn’t know at the time but there we are. I had a HUGE epiphany today. I’ve been dabbling in mindfulness, not for the first time, but the first time in a long time. I’ve had a bit of a miserable Christmas if I’m honest, and been fighting feeling all those resentful, why me feelings about it- ‘It’s my first holiday since August and the last until I don’t know when, why wasn’t it happier?’ I think mindfulness practitioners call this ‘rumination’, the process by which you feel an emotion which you find negative, and your brain jumps in and puts a further negative spin on it: following this road takes you to some pretty dark places, I know it. Well, I decided not to ruminate- my Christmas present to myself- and instead, every time I felt desperate, and sad, I put my ruminative negativity (you are a misery, your life will always be rubbish, blah blah) into a cloud and floated it off into the sky, then, I sat down and tuned in to the sadness, breathed into it and said ‘welcome.’ (I guess that last sentence is a bit trite: it’s not as simple as it sounds to say welcome to a pounding heart and churning guts, but it gets easier with practise.)What happened when I did this today, is that instead of being caught up in my ruminating intellect, my senses opened and sent messages to my brain about where these feelings originated, what they are about and what I can do to move my life forward. Over the period of the last few days, slowly, a new clarity has appeared: I know where I need to go, I know what I need to do, I have a had a taste of serenity, of the feeling that, what happened over the last week needed to happen, that life is unfolding as it should, that it will continue to be difficult at times, and joyous at times but that I can and will always cope with it, whatever it is. I happened to be driving in my car at the time and the song Letting Go was playing, so hence its mention here. It felt serendipitous, as there are some people in my life whom I need to let go of and hanging on to them has been hurting me, and them. It’s a bit more complicated than I can explain here, but I need to let them go, so that they can return in a healthier form, or not at all: I guess that bit is beyond my control and I wish them love and light in their journey too.

The human psyche is so complicated: right in the middle of the moment of serenity I started to panic that it wouldn’t last and of course, it disappeared! I reminded myself that everything is transient, I just have to accept whatever comes: serenity or lack of serenity and of course, it returned. Happy New Year WordPress lovelies…may your ‘it should be’ become ‘it is’ and your “I want’ become ‘I have’.

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13 Comments

December 31, 2013 · 6:36 pm

13 responses to “Letting Go…

  1. You have astonishing clarity of yourself. I truly believe that your path towards happiness has already begun and you will soon see it evolve before you! Blessings to you soul sister!

  2. A beautiful post! I was in counselling a little over two years ago and was encouraged by my counsellor to work on mindfulness. It has helped me enormously by allowing me to drop a lot of my old stuff and to recognize things about myself that I had been avoiding for a long time. It’s definitely a good thing! *Hugs* :)

  3. Fantastic post. It sounds like you’ve taken a turn toward a more peaceful path. You’ve hit upon a vital point. Happiness does not happen by our efforts to avoid sadness. Happiness happens by our efforts to accept sadness, along with everything else that life offers us. Even sadness and suffering can be seen as “offerings.” I’m not one who says, “Everything happen for a reason.” I personally think that’s hogwash. But, Things Happen. Accept it. Make your own “reasons.” Your response to “Things” is where your own creative energies lie.
    Stepping off of soap-box now.
    Trade me preaching for pedantry? ;-)

    • Oh yes–Letting Go is my favorite art-form! People often misunderstand that about mindfulness. It’s not so much about “embracing” the difficult things in life as it is simply accepting their presence….
      …and then letting them go. Taking the next breath. Vital point.

      Damn! I said I was getting off my soapbox.
      But I feel so much taller up here…

  4. Taste serenity and never rinse :-) – I am glad you are back, glad you are pouring out your feelings and if you need to change – then let it be so- Happy New Year and this year will be yours :-) xx

  5. Thanks for writing this sensitive post. I especially liked this part:

    “I sat down and tuned in to the sadness, breathed into it and said ‘welcome.’ (I guess that last sentence is a bit trite: it’s not as simple as it sounds to say welcome to a pounding heart and churning guts, but it gets easier with practice.)”

    This is not the least bit “trite”. This sounds perfect to me. I’ve recently stumbled upon a similar strategy for my relationship with pain.

    I’ve feeling my way toward better health by giving “thanks” for pain when I experience it. The first time I found myself doing this, it seemed odd to me. I’m used to fighting with pain, trying everything I can to escape pain or focusing on making pain go away.

    Being genuinely thankful for pain doesn’t make pain stop. But it does do something different. It allows my pain to tell me what it needs to say without shouting so dang much about it. This has opened up communication between my body and me. It allows me to move forward into new strategies of being. And my health is improving at the same time.

    Is it mindfulness? Don’t know. Maybe. Hmmm. Perhaps I should give thanks for emotional distress as well.

    Thanks for the thought-provoking post.

    Be well and live free in the New Year.
    Alice

    • Thanks for this Alice: what you are describing is indeed mindfulness! How wonderful that you have discovered this for yourself- you are clever! Peace and light to you as always x

      • Wow. I was clever and didn’t know it. ;-) Usually I”m the other way… think I’m clever than find I haven’t really been. Learning to speak French is like this. Thanks for saying so. It only felt like the right thing to do at the time. So much of my life has evolved/devolved (whichever) into this place where the only guide is what feels right at the time. It’s a lost/found sort of feeling way to live.

        Peace to you as well.
        Alice

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