If I feel down, please don’t try to comfort me with cliches: I may have to inflict violence upon you and I am a pacifist. I particularly hate the saying ‘If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’ If the idiot who came up with this nonsense can think of no worse calamity to illustrate his or her point than being given lemons, as far as I’m concerned, their limited life experience does not qualify them to offer words of wisdom. I have never been given lemons by anyone and if I was given lemons, I don’t imagine that I would be overly concerned, or spend hours wondering what to do with them.
If life gives you lemons then you can make lemonade, lemon cake, lemon curd, lemon marmalade, lemon roulade, lemon tea….it’s not fucking rocket science. But what if life gives you an enormous bucket of steaming horse piss? Environmentally friendly bio-diesel? Beer?
Homemade lemonade drinkers note: life’s tough moments require wisdom. Cliches suck because they offer obvious answers to banal questions. Only people who think that being given lemons constitutes a life crisis have time to make homemade lemonade: the rest of us have to go to work and that’s just for starters.